“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you think you know and who you are for what you could learn and who you could become.”
Translation: Process. Process. Process. Just trust it!
What do you get when you have a successful parent like yourself with a child who wants to play sports? You get parents who find it hard to let go because of their success and can make the mistake of assuming they can figure anything out [on their own].
“Trust the Process” has become a slogan that has recently come into style. It’s a new “buzz word” that many well-known coaches refer to all the time. It applies to many walks of life, and it is worth investing in. But because we live in a microwave society that is based on instant gratification, trusting any process is becoming very difficult for parents and students alike.
So, how do we happily trust our child’s progress? By just sticking to the long-term plan even in the face of unfavorable short-term results. However, this faith can only come from the confidence built upon a sound relationship with the person [not you] that understands and probably has walked a similar path as your child. We all know how scary it is to trust someone else with this process and how frightening it is to let go of our control and allow our children to grow.
You must have faith that today’s preparation and development will determine future achievements.
We focus on the process of growing more than the results at the Academy because when you focus on the process of getting better each day, the results will take care of themselves. Just ask Boston Celtics coach, Brad Stevens, who says the same thing in this video.
Side note: We must give up the illusion that we have full control to fully and completely let go, live our lives, and watch what amazing things can happen.
Amazing things will happen for our children regardless, whether we’re killing ourselves trying to force things to happen to them or not. Let’s try to imagine who our children could become if we stopped focusing all of our time and energy on worrying and trying to control things, and instead chose to help them learn from every moment, serve as living feedback while fostering a great bonding opportunity.
Here are some DO NOT’s so you may enjoy the process of growing your child:
- Living your dream through your child!
- Taking credit for when they have done well!
- Solving all of their athletic and academic related issues!
- Offering instructions or expressing frustration from the sidelines!
- Taking everything so seriously!
- Switching teams whenever things don’t go their way.
- Contacting [texting/emailing] the coach after each game.
- Tying their value based on the outcome of the game.
- Yelling at the referees, coaches, or opposing team’s parents.
As parents, we have a direct impact on the success of our children’s development process experience, which is predicated on the type of involvement and actions we exhibit.
Here are our top 10 DO’s we recommend you implement to help you “Trust the Process” of your child’s development:
- Be patient! Release your need to know, to control or to see any further ahead than this moment for your child, right now.
- Have daily commitments. Identify and provide the things that will move them forward in the direction of the more pre-eminent vision.
- Promote passion. Encourage passion even when situations are uncomfortable.
- Implement accountability. When children are held accountable for the things they have control over, the desired results are more likely.
- Give time and space after the match. Talk about something else other than the game, or be a reflective listener.
- Model appropriate behavior during games (especially losses). Demonstrate characteristics [body language] such as poise, confidence, and positivity.
- Fuel their dreams, ALWAYS! Do not starve them.
- Focus on your child’s journey and not the destination.
- Avoid comparing! Your child is different, so their timeline for their growth will be different from others.
- Be more than a parent. Help them cope with the pressure felt from sports [and LIFE].
- Bonus: Remember it’s a game. Let the kids have fun!
Remember, just like you and I did, our children mature differently than others. Those who work hard and have parents that trust the process become better at a faster rate. So, we encourage all parents reading this to begin by establishing and micromanaging your child’s goals, dreams, and a vision for their future by watering them with endless support. Then, once you have those in place, implement these ideas for a process-based approach for their development and inevitably, their life.
Who knows, if you focus on their process and journey, you might find that who they become is much more rewarding than the outcome in sports, and your relationship with them will become even more fruitful.
Enjoy the[ir] process!